Here's a classic I dug up all the way from May of 2007. After sending this email out to several coworkers(names and specifics have been changed to protect all parties) many commented on how ridiculous and hilarious it sounded so it was an inspiration somewhat for this blog...
The night started out with a group of extremely loud,heavily intoxicated guests in the overflow area of the restaurant (located next to the restaurant). The group
lingered until a little after midnight at the tables consuming several bottles of wine (bar closes at 10:45). Around 11:45 pm we received a complaint from a guest on the second floor concerning the noise level of the downstairs party.
I politely approached the group and requested they quiet down. They obliged for about ten minutes and then the voice levels continued to rise. Eventually the party
made their way outside to continue drinking at the tables just outside the front doors. From 1 am to about 2 several of the guests were coming and going out the front doors between the restroom and the party taking place outside. Many could not walk straight and were slurring their speech by this time. Things finally quieted down about 2 am and most of the guests had made it to their rooms.
Then around 2:30 I heard a small commotion from the second floor. I went to investigate and came upon a man sitting on the floor leaning against one of our expensive decorative wool blankets draped over the railing, overlooking the
lobby. As I ascended the stairs I noticed the man was fully exposed from the waist down, with his slacks and briefs pulled down around his ankles, and he was
asleep. I proceeded to fetch my coworker.
We decided the best course of action would be to cover his lap with a towel before attempting to wake him. I managed after shaking him firmly to obtain his name (we'll call him Mr. Wino). My coworker then went to research his room number and make a
duplicate key so that we could escort him to his room.
Mr. Wino was so intoxicated that he could barely comprehend my request that he stand up, dress, and return to his room. When Mr. Wino finally did stand up I proceeded half way downstairs to give him some privacy while he dressed himself. After noticing that Mr. Wino had forgotten the task of dressing himself within the last few minutes and was now laying down against the railing, on the floor, I again proceeded upstairs to wake him a second time, at which point I noticed a horrid smell. I managed a second time to wake Mr. Wino. He stood up and I immediately noticed a large pile of feces underneath him. (no I don't get paid enough for this)
After escorting Mr. Wino to his room I attempted to clean the area. This took about an hour considering I could not use the very noisy steam cleaner at 3 in the morning. Much of the man's feces was rubbed into the carpet and on the blanket we had
thrown over him earlier to cover his genitals in case a guest happened to come out of their room. Furthermore, residue was on the expensive decorative wool blanket used for decoration.
About halfway through the task of cleaning the area Mr. Wino came out of his
room, still in a severely intoxicated state and went to lounge on the chairs near the Mezzanine. I had to again ask him to return to his room. I even had to
direct him to his bed, as I noticed he had quite a bit of trouble figuring out where to go once he reached his room.
The whole incident set our audit schedule back quite a bit and the rest of the morning was quite hectic due to the time spent on cleaning the second floor and attending to Mr. Wino. Honestly, my coworker and I seriously considered calling the police so they could get him to a detox center but for some reason decided against it.
I don't know what course of action will be taken but to whomever it may concern, this man needs to get some help with his drinking problem. I hope this account of things helps.
-Madame Midnight
*note to readers - this happened after only a few months after me being hired. The man was probably almost fifty (not some dumb punk kid) and staying in house with a bunch of his coworkers for his company's training convention. I hope he never comes back.
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